Tame the Beast
by Opaque Opal
Summary: Disney. After seeing a commercial for Chef Boyardee Ravioli, Belle figures out a new way to break the spell. Complete parody and my first BatB fanfic. Please R&R!


**A/N: This is a very random idea I had while watching a Chef Boyardee commercial. Hope you enjoy and please review! **

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Belle was entranced by the wilting rose that floated in a glass case. It glittered and cast off a pinkish glow. Innumerable petals were underneath it. _Perhaps I should poke it _Belle thought. Without a care in the world, she gently took the glass cover off and leaned to touch it. Suddenly, she heard a disgruntled snort behind her ear. Slowly turning around, Belle realized she was face to face with the Beast. Not only did he look extremely ugly, but he also was extremely pissed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I was just looking! I'm sorry!" Belle apologized. But apparently the Beast didn't do apologies. For at that moment, he snarled "GET OUT OF MY CASTLE!"

Belle screamed, running for her life. She had to put as much distance between herself and the Beast. Having thought that, she ran as fast as she could until she reached her cottage.

"Oh Papa!" she cried, bursting dramatically through the door.

"Belle?"

Her father, Maurice hugged her around the waist. Their imprisonment had been exchanged several weeks ago. Maurice was allowed to leave if Belle stayed in the castle forever.

"Did the Beast let you go?" Maurice asked.

"Sort've. In truth I ran away," Belle said.

"Well, I don't want you going back there. Here, I want to show you something!"

Taking her hand, he escorted her to the basement. It smelt like a mixture between burnt pickles and old smoke as they descended the crumbling stone steps. In the corner was a large contraption with an orange curtain draped over it.

"Ta da!" Maurice cried, unveiling it. Belle stared at it in shock. It was a strange looking box with a screen. Metal wire stuck out of the top of it and there were buttons along its side.

"What is it?" Belle asked, gaping in disbelief.

"I call it the television! It allows you to view the past, present and future through various programs!" Maurice exclaimed proudly.

"How does it work?"

"You just push the ON button. And you can adjust how loud it is and change it to different channels," he explained, squatting down to turn the device on. The screen buzzed loudly before showing a moving picture of a boy. His stomach started to growl and horns were spurting out of his head.

"What kind of horrible thing is this?" Belle asked in shock as the boy continued to change as he pedaled down the sidewalk.

"They're called commercials. They inconveniently interrupt programs just for the annoyance of others and for corporal gain."

"That's terrible!" Belle gasped. By now, the boy had transformed into a hairy troll-like creature, muttering about his hunger.

"When you're _really _hungry," the narrator said, "only the rich meaty sauce of Chef Boyardee can tame the beast in you!"

The commercial ended with the boy turning back to normal after his first bite, smiling innocently.

"That was utterly stupid!" Maurice grumbled as the TV started to go out of power.

"That's it!" Belle cheered.

"What's it?" Maurice asked.

"All I have to do is feed the Beast some Chef Boyardee and he'll be back to normal in no time!"

"You mean you're going back there?" Maurice cried in disbelief. Belle didn't answer, for she was out the door quite quickly. The wind started to pick up speed as she walked into town.

"Good afternoon, Belle!" said a masculine voice. Belle looked up, unsurprised to see Gaston ogling at her. His augmented six-pack and biceps looked like they could snap her spine into a million pieces.

"Hello, Gaston. You wouldn't happen to know where I could buy some Chef Boyardee, do you?" Belle asked.

Lefou, Gaston's assistant and right-hand-man, started to snort with glee.

"She's crazy! There's no Chef Boyardee around! Ha ha!"

Gaston frowned and slapped the ugly midget upside his head.

"Well, despite the historical inaccuracy of it all, I just happened to find one in the woods over there!" Gaston said, pulling the can out of his knapsack.

"Thank you, Gaston!" she said happily.

Belle wrinkled her perfect nose, "Wow, I never thought I'd use those words in a complete sentence."

Gaston and Lefou laughed, clearly not noticing that Belle had made an insulting remark.

"Well, I'm off!"

Without another word, she made off back to the castle.

* * *

_**Meanwhile, back at the castle...** _

"Why did she run away? I merely growled threateningly at her and looked like I was going to rip her vocal cords out," the Beast growled, pacing his study.

"You shouldn't have sent her off like that!" Mrs. Potts scolded knowledgably.

"She's the only one who could break the spell, monsieur!" Lumiere added.

Without warning, they heard footsteps from outside the door.

"Shhh! Someone's coming!" Cogsworth panicked, hiding behind Lumiere.

"I'm back!" Belle said in a sing-song voice.

Mrs. Potts, Lumiere, and Cogsworth all started gossiping happily, saying how they knew she'd return and what not.

"I thought you wouldn't come back," the Beast said after quite some time.

"Why ever would I do that?" Belle asked, "Besides, I know how to make the spell go away!"

"You do?" everyone chorused.

"Yes!" Belle said, extremely delighted, "Cogsworth, could you take this to the kitchens?"

"Alright," he grumbled. After all, he was the only household appliance that had hands. Within minutes, the Chef Boyardee Ravioli was prepared in a bowl.

"Here you go," Belle exclaimed warmly, handing it to the Beast.

"And I just eat it?" the Beast asked, looking at it warily.

"Of course!"

Without needing further encouragement, the Beast licked its contents. Suddenly, he collapsed on the ground.

"You didn't poison it, did you?" Lumiere asked.

"No!" Belle said honestly, kneeling before the Beast. How could she have been so stupid? Perhaps Gaston had used the ravioli for hunting bait! She should've known!

"Beast? Do you feel poisoned?" Belle asked.

He clutched his arm, giving wheezy breaths.

"No," he said, "but what you gave me has enough salt to fill the oceans!"

"Approximately 910 milligrams per serving, to be exact," said Mrs. Potts, reading the label.

"Beast! I didn't know! I'm sorry!" Belle sobbed.

The Beast started to twitch and his fur seemed to turn to skin, in and out of frequency like a radio. At long last, the fur began to disappear and his limbs grew shorter as he rose into the air. Then, he dropped to the ground in a heap.

"Beast?" she asked. He grunted and stirred sleepily, slowly rising to his feet. The Beast was now a Prince! The spell had been broken!

"It's me, Belle! The Chef Boyardee really worked!"

Delicately touching his honey-colored hair, she gazed into his eyes. Right away, she could tell it was him. Happily, she kissed him full on the mouth. The household appliances cooed as they turned back their human form.

"You know what I just realized though?" the Prince asked as he broke the kiss.

"What?" Belle asked.

"How did I change back when the rose didn't even lose all its petals?"

"The high sodium content must've been so overwhelming for your body that you turned back to normal!" Cogsworth reasoned.

"So you mustn't have Chef Boyardee ever again, or it could reverse the spell and you could be a Beast again!" Mrs. Potts warned.

"Alright," the Prince sighed.

And so, the Prince and Belle lived happily ever after.

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**A/N: Sorry the story was a bit short and fast-paced. But I hope you like it! Please read and review. Constructive criticism is appreciated but flamers will be sprayed at with a hose. **


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